Side-by-Side Sports Events Represent Great Coordination--FPS's beat out RPG's by 8,641 points

As those of us who eagerly participate in sports--

electronic or real-world, active or passive--know, the

splitscreen broadcast of the Electromarathon and the

first annual Gamer's Ultimate Tournament (GUT) was

a huge, huge success. Due to the broadcasting style,

it's hard to tell which was more successful, but we do

know that there was a longer line for the

Electromarathon--mainly due to the lack of available

machines.

For sports fans, the Great Retreat was a very dismal

event. Because there is rarely a large stock of

electricity, events involving mass spectators over a

wide geographical area--especially if they're watching

on an electrical apparatus--must be sparse, otherwise

electricity keeps running out. This spelled death for

video game tournaments, for the already sparse

sporting events (like the Olympics) are only for

entrenched sports. The fact that gaming equipment

use the precious resource in great amounts means

that even casual, private tournaments are regulated

to avoid power drains.

The solution? Create the electricity as they use it! The

sweat-intensive Electromarathon produced a

whopping 9,000 kilowatt-hours over a measly 8-hour

competition, with the winner making 52 kw/hrs with

one 30-minute triathalon. This electricity was piped

(partially) from the Electromarathon in Istanbul to

the GUT taking place in Anchorage, Alaska.

The Gamer's Ultimate Tournament had similar

successes, as champions from both sides of the Pacific

convened to represent their gaming genres.

Unfortunatly, an inordinatly small turnout by the

Racing competitors meant calcualting average score;

something helpful for the Brawl community but

problematic for RTS fans--so problematic, the

announcers speculated--that they would have placed

otherwise.

This event was not only a good day for the VEGC

lobby, but wonderful news for those who can't wait

for sports leauges to start broadcasting again. If a

sports industry that has yet to go professional can do

it, so can a sport with hordes of fans bored to tears

with their casual leauges around the dome.

--Arctica Chemit, NMD news

The new Movement will Require the New Power Routing--Adjust to no TV or Computer until End of Summer

As summer season grinds towards its peak and idle

thoughts turn to making a difference in the world,

we must realize that when we are intimatly

connected globally, our actions have global

ramifications--especially when that action involves

a global movement.

Summer is normally a time for fun and relaxation,

but most still attend work, the gym converter and

other important functions--even if only nominally.

However, the new "Summer Break" orginization,

orginized by one Bontula Grear, encourages an

entirley natural summer, without work, organized

excercise, and a complete social cutoff. Unfortunatley,

due to the popularity of this "wholesome" opportunity,

as well as the normal weaker attendence during

the summer season, has caused a strong drop in

electricity reserves. As if adding insult to injury, a

horde of birds chose that particular time to divebomb

multiple domes around the world in what seems to be

a highly coordinated attack.

What with the necessary diversion to defense

applications, and the surge in use by scientists trying

to understand this behaivor, many districts were

without power. CORnarDS has just come up with a

solution, though. They offer a splicer that carries

priorities. All vital electrical applications

(refrigerator, light bulbs, etc.) will have guaranteed

power the entire time, power diverted from the

nonvital side of the wire (TV, computer, etc.).

Hopefully, media attention and loss of power will stop

the movement, but be prepared to keep this going

until the end of August.

--Editorial by Pediscribe, June 13, 2007

Man Convicted of Possession, Use, and Destruction of a Destructive and Irreplaceable Artifact

Historians will be hard-pressed to find cigarettes now:

one was stolen and smoked by a man who recently

turned himself in, leaving only three left in the world.

The 2nd Millenium N. America Museum in Raleigh, N. C.

was broken into on last Wedensday, the 6th of June. The

power for the security systems was diverted for a

strengthening of the perimiter at D.C., allowing the

criminal to break in with only a set of stilts and a

hammer. Earlier plans for a "spiked" radius for rare

artifacts are being reconsidered.

The criminal, a 53 year-old Swede named Marolgo,had

apparently "been really desperate for a smoke." As part

of a plea bargin, charges of breaking, entering, and grand

larceny were dropped, and Marolgo is currently serving

a 25-year combined sentence with a chance for parole in

15 years.

A request for a new cigarette to be manufactured was

sent by the head caretaker at the Museum. The response:

"We cannot, in good conscience, accept this request. Not

only would it divert cropland from food or timber, but

we do not want to encourage breaking and entering, or

smoking."

For those of you too young to remember cigarettes,

people used to mix a flammable plant with a group of

toxic chemicals. The result, when condensed,

burned, and the smoke inhaled, was both pleasurable and

very addicting. Tobacco plants haven't been grown since

the Great Fall of Texas, but chilling rumors of a new

natural equivalent have started to run around.

--Xaiver Kubler, NMD news

Note: We make every effort to update this column every

Friday. We apologize that this edition was late due to

inclement weather.

2050 Olympics will Not be Rural, Wherever They Are

Coordinator Jimina Lor has once and for all quashed

the rumors that the 2050 Olympics, now only three

years away, will be held outside.

"We thought that, since they've been indoors for so

long, the outdoor environment would be too difficult

for the athletes to preform well. However, ther'es a

good chance that it will happen in 2054, so be

prepared!" said Jimina

The decision concerning the location of the Olympics is

still in the final stages. Meanwhile, rival states Korea

and Japan have seen an increase in crime rate as rival

gangs square off over the confirmation process.

Currently, the frontrunner is Tokyo, with 3:1 odds.

Next is Seoul, with odds of 7:1. Other possible cities

include Reykjavik, Tripoli, and Luxemburg. Favored

candidate Boston was voted off last week.

--Arctica Chemit, NMD News

Moscow Cracks Under Pressure, Dismantles Nukes--

"No Nukes Left" Celebrations Occur Across World

After the Great Retreat, almost every country

dismantled all their nuclear weapons, along with other

weapons of mass destruction. The idea of mass killing

in the new environment was simply too risky for the

human race. However, Moscow, claiming that "the

firepower was necessary, despite the circumstances.",

only dismantled part of their nuclear arsenal.

Ever since then, the EU, led by France and Germany,

have been negotiating nonstop for complete

disarmament. "Every [nuclear] warhead destroyed is a

sigh of relief from both all of humanity and the New

Earth.", said German representitive Kumata Port in

2042.

Recently, though, they have been resorting to more

dramatic measures, such as the "accidental" collapse

of the Russian Tunnel, which connects Finland,

St. Petersburg, and Moscow. The recent crack in the

outer dome, suffocating a year's worth of domesticated

farm animals, though, was the final humiliation.

Though all indications--as well as both France and the

EU--implicate radical terrorists, the graffiti found at

the scene indicates that the motive was the nuclear

issue.

Thus, the Russian president Murant Ruboni bowed to

the wishes of the international community, and his

home country, and signed the order for complete

disarmament. For the past five days, celebrations

have been seen all over, from Honolulu to Melbourne.

Here, in the Coloradian Dome, parties have been

enthusiastic, though permeated by rumors, which seem

to crop up every year or so, of black market weapons.

--Arctica Chemit, NMD News

Air Freshners Too Fresh?

Pennsylvanian Woman Denies Accusations of Frivolity

A subrural Pennsylivanian woman won a lawsuit

yesterday charging that the ingredients in

Reminisce!(tm) Air Qualifiers are "too fresh" and gave

her an allergic reaction.

"I know it sounds stupid, but it's not. When I powered

up the machine, I was hacking and wheezing inside

the dome. And this doesn't happen near city trees."

said Bolvia in her opening statement.

"Our qualifiers do not leak. As for some 'mystery

ingredient', I know we keep trade secrets, but we

changed the formula and tested it again. Now, the

plaintiff does not 'hack and wheeze'." said one

spokesman for the local brand of Reminisce!.

It has been rumored that Judge Harklett is satisfied

with the test results and will not grant punitive

damages, but this website was unable to confirm or

deny this rumor.

As for the allergen, doctors close to the case suspect

pollen. Pollen is a reproductive agent of many trees,

and thus smells like a fresh tree. However, it is also an

allergen, which is why most city trees have been

altered to use sap transfer to reproduce. And yes,

most wild trees do use pollen.

--Xarfax Socerico, NMD news

Mathematician Proves Time Travel Impossible--"Keep Hope Alive", says Tinkerer's Guild

A mathematician near the Chicago Radius

went public with his newest discovery--a proof

against time travel. Dr. Lumvatch, who you

might remember from his life-enhancing work

on air quality, announced his work two days

ago--and has been taking criticism ever since.

Dr. Lumvatch refused to comment.

Sina Korv, the leader of Restoring Critical

Conditions--or, as we know it, the RCClub, had

this to say: "Time travel was the only realistic

hope left for eliminating the domes. Now its

gone. What do we do now?"

Still, there is hope--at least according to the

Tinkerer's Guild: "Every mechanist worth his

weight in water knows thorough steps must be

taken to test every creation before it goes on

the market. Mistakes are easy to make, and one

could be found in Dr. Lumvatch's proof." says

Mr. Voyo, the spokesman for the Tinkerer's

Guild.

MiG, or the Mathematicians in Governmnet

lobby, agrees. "In my opinion, Lumvatch made a

mistake, announcing [his proof] before peer

review. There's so much buzz we might have to

lock down the ports. It will take months to check

his proof, especially if the rumors that he used

the Wrigley 3 are true." said an anonymus

representitive of MiG.

The Wrigley 3 is a set of state-of-the-art

multiframes that is normally used for sports

statistics, odds, predictions, and the like. Usually

they're off-limits to the public, but famous

mathematicians and scientists, who use the

processing power for maintenance of the tunnels

and domes, are allowed access.

--Xaiver Kubler, NMD news

"Magician" Shoots Year-Old Hatchling with Level 3 Charge:

Dragon Recuperating in Magical Hut

This is a blow to the contreversial new sport

of dragon hunting--a young hunter is

currently being charged with attacking a

year-old dragon hatchling--protected in the

Uncharted Species Act--and two counts of

using a high powered spell without proof of

training. If found guilty, the minimum fine

is 10 cords of wood; the maximum is 30

chords.

"Just because Red Dragons are in season

doesen't mean hunters can shoot to kill.

Every licensed [hunter] knows that's

poaching." said Burya, the local chair for the

Offensive Magic Committee. "We all know

about the mating problems of dragons. In

fact, if dragons didn't have anti-magical

properties in their hides, we would prohibit

dragon battling completly." The difficulties

chairwoman Burya refers to are the fact

that dragons can only be hatched if

incubated in uncharted territory, and there's

very little last. Leading scientists of both

species are working together to mitigate this

effect.

When asked to comment, the hunter, who

requested anonymity for fear of being heckled,

said, "I thought that spell was apprentice level.""

This is suspect due to the title of the

book--LEVEL 3 SPELLS.

"This fool was cluless, and the Leauge of

Dragon Hunters intends to distance itself

from him." said official spokesman Xecoro

in an official statement for the LoDH. "We

know that dragons are a sentit species,

and we are not looking to kill. We are

simply looking for a challenging combat

opponent." How this affects the LoDH

remains to be seen.

Unfortunatley, due to the logistics involved

in locating and tracking down two different

dragons for interview, we are unable to get

the parental perspective. This website will,

however, consult the injured the hatchling

as soon as its vocal cords recover and

develop. In accordance with Elder Dragon

Tradition, it has not yet been named.

--Verdish Rhode, NMD news